By Hans Ebert

It was while talking with a small group of people about how that first real love never ever leaves and lives with you forever- even in your dreams-and how love inspires us in so many ways. And just how bereft of inspiration the world is today because love is no longer what it was. And should be.

During this long day’s journey into night and being the only passenger on this mystery train through the past, someone asked whether I’m on Instagram. It was a strange adjunct to the conversation.

Very possibly, no one was listening or couldn’t be bothered to listen to what I had to say. It happens. And that’s because so many- and not only those cutely known as millennials- are schooled these days in the universities of Google, Wikipedia and everything that’s out there for free in the online world. Even love. Well, not really love, but whatever it is disguised to be and which many buy as being love. Just download the app.

This love has nothing to do with all those songs Stephen Stills wrote for Judy Collins, McCartney wrote for Jane Asher and his Lovely Linda, all those brilliant love songs by Jimmy Webb, Leon Russell and just how unabashedly Joni Mitchell wore her heart on her sleeve on a song like “Conversations” about her Big Love for Graham Nash.

Somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost our way so much that love doesn’t live here anymore. Didn’t Rose Royce sing about that? Gwyneth Paltrow and her Goop about “conscious uncoupling” from husband Chris Martin adds to this “new consciousness”. So much for “Fix You”.

Me? I fell in love at first sight, married to grow old together and damn the torpedoes and everything else. It worked. It should still be working, but the strays got in the way and love went to the puppy dogs. Not that we didn’t try to make it work. Probably still are. Some things live with you forever. Great love can never be replaced. It happened for all the right reasons.

But when the pieces no longer fit, as the song goes, if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Kinda.

This usually lasts around 6-7 years on a good day. Sure, you love that person, but you’re not IN love with them. Great sex is not love. It’s just a convenient intermission.

It’s playing for time. Playing for time before embarking on some weird Quiotix quest to find real love again. But these are different times. Different strokes for different folks. It’s more of the same though it’s now become an addiction mixed with confusion and living a lie.

Like free porn, what’s now known as possible love is available on a number of dating apps. Just try to find your match, hook up and see where this leads. It’s like blind man’s bluff. There’s a certain amount of excitement mixed with inevitability. It seldom lasts the distance. It’s a sprint.

I was shown this the other day by a musician friend and how it works on his phone. Swipe right and you’re interested in who you see. Swipe left, and it’s a free pass. I had no idea about the technological aspects of courtship, how it’s linked to Instagram and by swiping away on his phone have probably now got him enough dates to keep him busy for a few random months.

This type of looking for the right one has taken some friends all the way to the altar and others to another roll of those tumbling dice and another flirtation with eyes wide shut for nine and a half weeks.

We’re all different. Companionship is easy. Finding real love, well, that’s in a song. Or a ‘look’. And intuitively knowing that it’s right. How you wouldn’t want it any other way. And even when it’s supposed to have upped and left, it never has. It’s just 10cc in denial and how big boys don’t cry. It’s The Original Soundtrack.

#Love #JoniMitchell #GrahamNash #music #CarlySimon #StephenStills #JudyCollins #10cc #datingapps #HansEbert