What are we doing here, said the Joker to the Thief as we who are one walked into Carnegie’s in Wanchai, that theatre of the absurd where clowns to the left of you and jokers to the right come out to play.


One of the clowns was dancing on the floor show that’s the bar area. He managed to throw up on the couple seated below him. Quite rightly, they told the staff off for allowing this to happen before exiting Desolation Row. And the band rocked on with the chick singer channeling Robert Plant and Axl Rose. This chick sings everywhere.


Meanwhile, an old Dutch bloke has taken on the role of the circus ringleader. After annoying every woman around, he has now decided to take requests to help the band play something more current. They launch into Hotel California. We had checked in and we couldn’t leave. We were sucked into the vortex of the most played guitar solo by every Filipino covers band. The crowd applauded like trained seals on steroids. The Thief ordered himself a bottle of Veuve Cliquet and watched the floor show in front of him unfold. The waitress was too busy doing nothing to open his bottle of champagne. Par for the course. This was, after all, Carnegie’s in fucking Wanchai. Who orders champagne in this dump? For himself?


A fat lonely Indian giver walks in hoping to taketh something away. Fat chance. He’s misplaced and misunderstood and crazily mistaken. A sweet young Chinese thing gyrates in her seat while the three men around her stare but dare not touch. She’s in control. They’re her audience and bitches and she digs it. Wouldn’t mind digging into that fertile ground thinks The Thief before looking to see someone smiling his way. And so she walks over. She likes his bracelets. You’re Danish, he says. And married. How did you know, she asks. He orders another bottle of champagne. The waitress wakes up long enough to serve him as the Indian nervously air drums to that one hit by 4 Non Blondes. Two young brothers with their big long drinks are happy. They spy a demure looking Chinese chick. They have contact. It’s ground control to Major Tom. Everyone takes time out to applaud another round of Hotel California with pink champagne on ice. What the hell have Don Henley and Glenn Frey reeked on nightlife in Asia? Empire State of

Mind comes on as the covers band takes a rest and the brothers scream out, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. WTF??? The girls are drinking them under the table. A friend joins them. The Dutch vagabond comes around tables again asking for more requests. He still wants to help the covers band expand their repertoire. He asks me what I wanna hear. I say FourFive Seconds. He walks off Just Like Tom Thumbs Blues Again. It’s midnight and the Schoolgirl Choir has arrived. The crowd sings Wonderwall. The schoolgirls shimmy together. Am on Positively Fourth Street. Positively. Time to leave.