THE DARK SIDE OF HONG KONG NIGHT LIFE 1

THE ADVANTAGES 1

The latest death knell to the restaurant business in Hong Kong has been The Pawn closing down for “renovations” though one hears the real reason has to do with a 100 percent increase in rent whereas, after eight years, The Press Room in Hollywood Road has closed its doors for good.

THE ADVANTAGES 2

THE ADVANTAGES 3

There’s a crisis out there and no one knows how to tackle it- and it’s not everything to do with being held to ransom by greedy landlords or being cut off at the knees by crippling rents.

THE ADVANTAGES 4

It has to do with words like pride and envy and painting oneself into a corner and thinking and forcing one to believe that “everyone” is doing badly, or that business is like the Grim Reaper and scarily bad “because it’s a Monday”.

Monday, Tuesday, or any day of the week, people have to eat, it’s all about where they choose to eat, and, every day of the week, there are restaurants where people are either spilling onto the street, or queuing up to get into. They must be doing something right.

THE ADVANTAGES 5

Some people are creatures of habit and stick to where they know because of who they know and damn the cuisine or the prices while others have that gypsy in their soul and wish to be adventurous.

THE ADVANTAGES 6

These gypsies can be divided into two major foodie types.

There’s the anti-foodie blogger group who don’t believe a word of what’s written by probably someone new to Hong Kong and desperate for a gig and a free meal.

This customer group wishes to explore and find a restaurant no one else has- like that little Thai hole in the wall provisions store-cum-restaurant next to Sammy’s Kitchen in Central.

THE ADVANTAGES 7

Then, there is the other group who appears at even the opening of an envelope. It’s how they roll and these fall under what I call the shee-shee air-kissing mob who roam in packs and talk in millions with their mouths full.

THE ADVANTAGES 8

There is also a very important third category- the Home Alone and pot luck crowd who say, Screw everyone else, we’re happy to stay home, watch BBC Lifestyle, eat healthy and, once a week, invite some friends over for a home-cooked meal.

Now, this is the group, I have gone back to subscribing to as the other groups didn’t and don’t work as they’re hardly stimulating company whereas around them, nothing remains a secret.

It’s all out there like a dog’s breakfast instead of things being chilled, and if not being impressed with what’s new or who’s new or who knew what about this and that and petty gossip, bail. It all drags you down to loser level.

THE ADVANTAGES 9

Instead, it’s about having the security of not thinking you’re missing out on anything by not going out.

Going out? And almost a thousand bucks later, what’s there other than the sheer boredom of those beneath your intellect and suffering through huge dollops of negativity and naïveté.

THE ADVANTAGES 10

Frankly, it’s about adopting a What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas approach to your lifestyle by staying at home with those you really want to be with and which is always the best night out in Hong Kong- good home-made dishes, or ordering in, all the company you need, stimulating conversation as opposed to the usual gunga din where you need to scream to hear yourself think while being surrounded by losers and drunk talk.

THE ADVANTAGES 11

Yes, it’s a grown up version of “Home Alone” as, sadly, there are too many clowns and wankers out there who think no one can see them living a lie.

THE ADVANTAGES 12

But, that’s Hong Kong, I guess: A wanker’s paradise- until you’re found out.

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