THE DARK SIDE OF HONG KONG NIGHT LIFE 1

TINDER

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Love me Tinder, indeed, but this dating app and, in many ways, the latest quickie booty call, is cutting a deep swathe through the social lives of all those lonely Eleanor and Alanor Rigbys in Hong Kong who one usually spots puffing on a shisha and nursing a drink all night.

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The problem we hear about Tinder is that (A) one never knows who or what they’ll end up meeting, (B) how pictures DO lie and (C) that men can be boys who can be boys who can be girls.

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Still, even with all it’s faked out “social networking”, Tinder offers more bangs for your buck and your clicks than a night out at those Wanchai sleazefests named Boracay and the truly tacky Amazonia.

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GWYNETH PALTROW

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Actually, Gwyneth Paltrow is one of Hong Kong more “low key trendings”, but, following her high-profile split from Coldplay’s Chris Martin after ten years of marriage, prepare to see more of the Actress in town than ever before.

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In fact, Ms Paltrow is in Hong Kong for a personal appearance at the Landmark on the 23rd of this month, and will, no doubt, be dining at the China Club with her Goopy chums- goop being the name of her somewhat New Agey blog.

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After this, she will return to celebrate her breakup with what she has told the media will be a three-weekend long party with her BFFs- Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore, Rita Ora etc- that will include being served by naked male waiters and “other girlie things”.

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HAPPY WEDNESDAY AT HAPPY VALLEY RACECOURSE

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Think about it: For a HK$10 entrance fee you get to watch world class racing every 30 minutes and, in-between, walk around the Beer Garden area, soak in the open night air, meet, by far, the most interesting people in town- or passing through town- and hear the best ‘live’ band in Hong Kong- Ben Semmens, Blaine Whittaker, guitarists “Geronimo” and Jerry, bassist Ah Chong and diminutive powerhouse drummer Anna Fan.

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Oh, if Bonnie Gokson and those at the Pawn only knew who they should be having for their music nights- and why- of all clubs- the Hong Kong Jockey Club is giving crowds the best ‘live’ music and more fun and romance and chat-up time than any of those samey-same shee shee clubs down Wyndham Street.

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UPMARKET COFFEE SHOPS, CAKE AND PATISSERIE CAFES.

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Guess sugar and caffeine beats getting a rush from Bolivian marching powder?

Let’s just pray really hard that those Nigerian pusher men who are back hanging outside Geko, Buddha Lounge and Drop don’t start following this trend.

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Their cakes and coffees will be lethal and will literally blow your mind.

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LET’S OPEN A RESTAURANT!

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Zero homework, no Due Diligence, shit for brains, no idea of cuisines from around the world except for those smaller “worlds” like Chai Wan, Quarry Bay- remember when every Tom, Dick and Harry Hui opened a restaurant in this area?), Wanchai and Causeway Bay, and with no thinking everything through, off go so many to open up a restaurant, bar or club.

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Why? It’s trending, it’s the thing to do ‘cos everyone else is doing it and then, after a very short honeymoon period, shrinkage sets in.

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Waiters and waitresses outnumber customers, the chef is asleep by 8pm with his head in the oven, and so, as something must be done, more money is wasted on “improvements” until one is in possession of something that resembles either an eight-humped camel or, with the kitchen sink thrown in outta desperation, there is a veritable buffet of unappetizing nothingness.

But, hey, I have a restaurant.

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