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We were mildly shocked when we saw the fields and riders for the races tomorrow and there was no Colm Donoghue.

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Suspended?

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Nah, he “bettered his record” of having one ride last Wednesday- and in the last race- to being offered none.

Poor bugger can’t even get suspended. Then again, how CAN he when he can’t get any rides, Einstein?

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So, we thought, how can Colm make use of his time in Hong Kong?

Well, our team put their heads together and created this ten-headed monster.

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* Become a model in the Fashion Styles The Valley catwalk show at the Beer Garden. He could become the new waif and give Kate Moss a run for her money.

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* Go up to Adrenaline, change his name to Colmo and play percussion for Chris Solano and his Latino band.

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* Jump on a horse, anyway, and ride it like a man possessed and confuse the hell outta everyone.

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* Dance to Thriller before every race in the paddock area, constantly grabbing his crotch and yelling, Yee Hee.

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* Don some silks, wear one silver glove and a hat and Moonwalk across the Beer Garden- wearing skates.

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* Ring the CSL 1010 bell in time with whoever is performing onstage.

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* Appear in the paddock area and offer riding instructions to Zac, Douglas and Tye- and who will listen to his every word.

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* Like our old mate Natalis “I never lose” Chan, appear in every winning photo as one of the owners.

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* Walk up to every trainer and “do a Jack Nicholson” by screaming, “You can’t TAKE the truth!”

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* Let John Size know he can make himself available for any spare rides. Repeat dialogue to John Moore, then spin on one spot, grab his crotch and squeal, “Heee Heee”.

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If anyone else has any suggestions, please put them on a stamp and send to us.

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