There is no Happy Wednesday at Happy Valley on Wednesday which is a very sad day for fans of Sarika and Natalie.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 1

Racing takes place in Shatin- and eight glorious AWT races- but, hey, there’s a Six Up Bonus to be won.

Alas, Sarika and Natalie will be on Hong Kong side having dinner at Sevva, the fancy schmancy restaurant managed by aging socialite and everybody’s “dharling” Bonnie Gokson.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 2

Still, there are many who will be making the pilgrimage to Shatin as their Wednesdays are now Happy Wednesday and they are lost without a night out at Happy Valley.

To help them on their journey and to ensure they’re not taken for a ride, below are answers to questions asked by those who wouldn’t know AWT from AWB and their one and only hit, Pick Up The Pieces.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 3

*AWT Racing does not stand for All Whining Racing or All Withering Racing or even All Whyte Racing.

It stands for All Weather Racing- except during Typhoon Usagi- and is what many simply refer to as dirt racing. Or racing on a dirt track.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 4

All Weather Racing has nothing whatsoever to do with the Hong Kong Observatory and there are NO All Weather Reports issued by the Hong Kong Observatory.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 5

* Horses that run on this All Weather Surface are not especially bred to look like camels.

This is a myth created by critics of dirt racing.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 6

* Jockeys riding in AWT races don’t have to dress any differently than usual other than wear an extra set of goggles to avoid any kickback.

This type of kickback does not mean being paid for doing anything illegal.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 7

* Again, rumors of jockeys having to dress like Lawrence Of Arabia to ride in AWT races is false.

Lawrence, or, as we called him, Larry, rode camels and was a rather effeminate and complex man.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdAKjgpiRQU

* No, Egyptian jockeys on the somewhat large size, are not especially flown in to ride exclusively in AWT races.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 9

* If there is plenty of rain, the AWT track is described as being “slushy”- a more colorful Shades Of Grey way of saying the track is very very wet- and slushy.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 10

* Jockeys try not to pose for winning photographs after an AWT race as they usually return with mud in their mouths and all kinds of shit on their faces.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 11

We recommend that hot wash cloths be given to all winning jockeys so they can clean their faces before scaring television viewers and connections of the horses by looking like Aunt Jemima’s long lost sons.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 12

* We have no idea who are the best jockeys when it comes to riding in these AWT races.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 13

We can only assume its jockeys who enjoyed playing with sand in their childhood and digging for earthworms.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 14

* No, horses DON’T wear sneakers or Wellington boots when running in these AWT races.

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 15

* Horses with an American pedigree supposedly take to racing on an AWT track better than horses from elsewhere.

We have no idea why other than it’s all in the genes.

Guess it’s similar thinking as to why African Americans make great sprinters but can rarely swim?

THE DUMMIES GUIDE TO AWT RACING 16