As we say in South Africa, faaaaaaark! It was a miserable day at Shatin and I should have just stayed home and listened to my Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones records. Thunderball is a fave and so is Goldfinger.

When down, I get up again bellowing those songs to Nickie. She gets mighty turned on when I sing Thunderball in my Ying Tong thong and my muscles ripple and my classic bling jingle jangle.

My muscles rippled yesterday trying to navigate some of my rides from the carpark. I felt like the wild man of Borneo. Faaark me, it was tough and thank gawd for Johnny Size. Size matters, babies!

Of course, everyone is talking about this changing of the guard crap to which I say, faaaaaark off!

Heavy is the crown that wears this head and I now don’t have Zac The Twat to worry about, I have The Hobbit running me ragged with his little legs.

Okay, Nickie is calling for Thunderballs.