Watch me on Racing To Win last night? Did I look good? Handsome? Did I look like a Bollywood dude?

My mate Bringe – a very sick prick- called to say I looked wrinkly. I told him, I’d wrinkle you, mate!

I love appearing on that show with the Three Amigos ‘cos I have to look serious.

Fuck me, deep down I wanna crack up and do a little dance and get down and tongue Clint for the cameras. The Club might have a small problem with this and EB will not be nearly fine. But I really am a Dance Machine.

I love my music and really know my music and LOVE- but not in a gay way- Kool And The Gang, Tom Cruise- great singer, John Travolta- very good singer, too- and The Village People.

I once auditioned to be The Construction Worker for The Village People, but was turned down ‘cos they didn’t like my ring piece. What knobs! I have a great ring piece! And a spectacular knob.

I also have a lotta windy horse with flatulence problems which is why they have the word WIND in their names. Maybe I need to stop feeding them curries?

Today, another Wind horse runs which I like and only has Seasons Sitar and Beagles Spirit to beat. Just hope the dear thing has a Zac Attack and not a Wind Attack.

Mate, ever been near a horse when it has farted? Good grief! Makes a trainer’s life hazardous.