I have never met veteran American music blogger Bob Lefsetz in my life though I am sure he is a very nice man.

The closest I ever got to him was attending a music conference in Hong Kong where he was paid to be a keynote speaker.

Apart from some “rock and droll” swearing which grown up music execs still think is fucking cool- see? I can also be cool?- there was nothing new to what he had to say and which made me hit the bar early.

I unsubscribed from receiving his blogs soon afterwards as I was trying to unclutter my life and rid myself of the strays and freeloaders I had allowed in and who were slowing me down.

Apart from people sending me the occasional Lefsetz Letter with a “I just had to send you this” message which I would skim through and delete- no more clutter, remember?- the only other time I heard about Uncle Bob was receiving an email from Jasper Donat whose company organizers all those Music Matters music conferences which I sidestep in case of stepping into more bullshit than I do just by waking up.

Jasper wanted to let me know that the American music blogmeister was coming to India to “listen and observe.” Yeah? And then what and so what?

I was and am far more into the marketing of the horse racing industry than the music industry which I was in and, sad to say, part of the problem and never the solution.

Today, a racing club like the Hong Kong Jockey Club with which my company works, does more for new artists than most music companies and those dreary music conferences where the same very old faces show up with nothing new to say, where there are no consumers/music fans present and where artists play for free and something called ” exposure.”

The HKJC actually PAY artists, it has the hardware, it has the crowds, the venues and has an average betting turnover of over HK $1 BILLION per ONE racing meeting. They have coin. Music companies have spin.

So did Uncle Bob’s Great Freebie Indian Adventure happen? Dunno and don’t give a fuck.

However, I care about David Bowie and all the music he has given the world.

This is why I am compelled to reply to Uncle Bob’s misguided attempt at trying to sound relevant, but ending up making a bloody fool of himself by even bringing in PSY to his Olde School rant which reminds me of something my Dad would have said after watching TMZ.

Sorry, but Uncle Bob seems ready for a good, long break.

Do it, Bob. Please. For me.

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Yesterday’s news.

I’m not talking about the man himself so much as his new track, his new album… A circle jerk publicity campaign that the old wave ate up and we’ve already moved on from. I mean how can someone who used to get it so right, who was on the bleeding edge, get it so wrong?

HE: What’s so fucking wrong about bringing out new music as probably a pressie to himself and to mark his 66th birthday? Why is there zero mention about the REASON for this release instead of this idiotic rant?

This is the guy who did Berlin/electronic before most people had a clue who Eno was and did the Bowie Bonds deal and now he signs with Sony and puts out a new album and the sycophantic press hypes it and drives those who care, who aren’t that many, hell there are only 29,359 views on Vevo as I write this, to the video which features a song so dirgey and so mediocre as to tarnish his entire legacy, if he hadn’t been doing that himself for decades.

HE: Views? Who gives a shit about “views” anymore? Who believes in them when anyone who knows how social media works understands that “views” can so easily be bought from places like Bangladesh and New Delhi just like buying “followers” on Twitter and “Likes” on Facebook.

How come these oldsters don’t get it? They made music that lasted forever, now they just want to play for a day. Employ the old school publicity paradigm on steroids which is ignored by everybody but the aforementioned sycophants who think we’re still living in 1974.

Bowie, want to get it right?

Do it the Mumford way.

UNDERSELL!

HE: Huh?

First he needed to go on the road, playing small venues at fair prices that you couldn’t get in. That would generate real publicity. For what happened as opposed to what’s coming. And if you’ve got something real, the fans do the work for you. They tweet, they Instagram, they spread the word. Instead, Bowie’s caught up in the mainstream echo chamber.

HE: Huh? The only “mainstream echo chamber” are all these words of one hand clapping and jerking himself off.

Second, you put out a new track that kills. And “Where Are We Now?” does not. It needed to be upbeat, it needed to be one listen. Not something that you might like over time, not when the whole world is watching.

Third, leave the audience hanging, waiting for more.

HE: Wait: He’s giving DAVID BOWIE advice? The man who kept recreating himself and was a musical chameleon???

The man who wrote and recorded Space Oddity, Changes, Oh You Pretty Thing, Rebel Rebel, Gene Genie, Fame, China Girl, Let’s Dance, Heroes, Suffragette City and was Ziggy Stardust and The Thin White Duke???

Instead of the album, drip out the singles. Create cutting edge videos. Keep the excitement going. Keep your name in circulation.

HE: Wait; he’s actually telling DAVID BOWIE about creating cutting edge videos??? Has he ever watched the video for “Let’s Dance” and how it’s still relevant? Or the video for “China Girl”?

But NO, David Jones shows his age by doing it the old way, getting a check from Sony and trying to drive something down our throats that we don’t want.

HE: “We?” Who is this “we”? Others living in his world of The Night Of The Living Dead? That “we”?

Maybe he ain’t got great new music in him. Maybe he’s dried up. If so, don’t call our attention to substandard work, you ruin any opportunity for clamor if you somehow come up with something good in the future.

HE: Whaaaaah???

But my bottom line point is now more than ever music is for the long haul. You start slow and build. If you start big, you oftentimes fail thereafter. Like where do PSY and Carly Rae Jepsen go now? But at least give them credit, they came up with certified hits. The PSY video is riveting and the Carly Rae Jepsen song is so hooky, it’s velcro.

HE: Bowie didn’t give the world “certified hits” which live on and not dependent on “views” and Scooter Braun and TMZ-type hype?

The news cycle is endless. Nothing sticks. We don’t want announcements, we want SUBSTANCE!

HE: PSY and what’s her name are SUBSTANCE??? Enough. This guy is Lennon’s Nowhere Man.

David Bowie: “Where Are We Now?”